One day, I was waiting for my friend to go shopping so I decided to walk around and wait for her at a clothing store. Then my stomach suddenly didn't feel good and I really had to use the bathroom. I really couldn't hold it and I was near unattended fitting rooms... so went into one and took a dump on the fitting room seat. I rushed out after taking care of...uh... business. I went on the rest of the day as if nothing happened.
My fat ex use to fart around me all the time. He would stand next to me while I watch tv or pass by me and let one rip and then smile as he walked away. One day during winter we were in bed under a bunch of sheets. I heard him fart one of those long and hot farts and he said "muahaha" so I quickly got up and put the sheets over his head and held him under his atomic fart and told him "muahaha that, b**ch!". He begged for mercy but I had enough of his smelly a**!
One time I was doing the deed with my man and ACCIDENTALLY let a silent fart out... I didn't think he smelled it.. but then he stopped and grabbed air freshener and sprayed my bum with it! RUDE!
I was shopping at home depot and asked an employee where I could find a pair of ear protectors to reduce the noise level for days that I work at home. The guys asked me If I had a loud machine. I wanted to say... yeah my wife, but she was standing next to me.
Some big intimidating guy was about to fight me at a club. Now i'm a small Indian guy and I can't fight but I have this technique I use against guys I know I can't take. While the guy was mouthing off in my face I smacked his face really hard which makes him think wtf just happened. This gives me enough time to crouch down, upper cut his balls, and Jet the f*** out before he recovers.
One Thanksgiving two of my cousins slept over my place. We were up late like around 2am, but one of them couldn't stay awake. Me and the cousin that stayed up got bored so we started messing with the one that fell asleep. We tried to make him pee on himself by putting his hand in water. Didn't work so we got creative. We tied his finger to his wiener then tickled his nose till he tried to scratch the itch on his nose causing him to yank on his penis hahaha.
I never liked using public bathrooms when I was younger. One time in Jr highschool I couldn't hold it in so I snuck out to take a dump at home. I ended up shitting my pants FOUR freakin blocks away from home! It ran down my legs onto my shoe! Every step I took caused chunks and bits to fall and I could feel it touch my legs on the way down. lol, a big piece came out and landed on the front of one shoe and I kicked it off. Luckily no one saw anything since the streets were pretty empty at that hour.
My younger brother asked me what I had in my hand but didn't want to tell him it was a pad for my period so I opened it up, stuck it on his wall and told him it was a cooler kind of sticker. Eventually my mom saw it and took it down.
I was buying a computer at best buy. The rep was trying really hard to sell me the protection plan. I kept telling him different reasons why I didn't need the plan. When paying at the counter he started going at it again saying that the hardware may fail and the protection plan covers that. I lost it and told him out loud "IF THIS SYSTEM BREAKS I WILL COME BACK, GET ON MY KNEES, AND SUCK YOUR MAN PICKLE!" He got caught off guard. and that my friends is how I got the best buy rep to shut up about his stupid protection plan.
I like to get my girl in the mood for some late night "coffee" by getting naked and only wearing a pair of plastic glasses with missing lenses. Once she sees my magnificent body I proceed with a luring mating dance which she can't resist. Eventually she gives in and calls me over to bed. Works every time.
