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In 4th grade, I had a slumber party for my birthday. This one girl that had long hair made fun of my short hair. So I invited her to the party. When she was fast asleep, I took a pair of scissors and cut it un-even and really short, then I glued her pillow to her head. When she woke up, she started to full-out scream and cry. Everybody thought it was hilarious, because she made everyone feel like an idiot. She peed her pants, and had to go home. The next day, people thought she was a new boy in the class. I laughed so hard.

Aug 01, 2012

I was buying a computer at best buy. The rep was trying really hard to sell me the protection plan. I kept telling him different reasons why I didn't need the plan. When paying at the counter he started going at it again saying that the hardware may fail and the protection plan covers that. I lost it and told him out loud "IF THIS SYSTEM BREAKS I WILL COME BACK, GET ON MY KNEES, AND SUCK YOUR MAN PICKLE!" He got caught off guard. and that my friends is how I got the best buy rep to shut up about his stupid protection plan.

Jun 25, 2012

my third grade brother kept getting beat up by this older kid who was always asking him for money. so i told my brother next time he asks for money, say you left is on his mother's dresser. !

Jun 08, 2012

My 4 year old niece caught me playing Max Payne 3 just after a big gun-fight. Through her eyes, it must have been terrible: bodies everywhere, blood stains on all the walls. She has a (bad) tendency to treat the things I say as God's Truth. She asks me what I am playing, I tell her this cop (Max Payne) is investigating this horrible murder! She asks who did this? I say it was Twilight Sparkle from My Little Ponies Big Eyes I really hope I am not there when my Sister-in-Law puts on her favorite cartoon and she starts crying... This is not the first time I have done something like this... Is it wrong to enjoy crushing innocence?

Jun 06, 2012

While roaming around my college halls I found one of those large gray bins that the janitor uses to move heavy equipment around. I decided to get in and have my friend push me through the halls. A security guard saw us and started chasing us so my friend started pushing faster. The bin tipped over and I rolled out. We managed to escape.

Jun 05, 2012
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