My fat ex use to fart around me all the time. He would stand next to me while I watch tv or pass by me and let one rip and then smile as he walked away. One day during winter we were in bed under a bunch of sheets. I heard him fart one of those long and hot farts and he said "muahaha" so I quickly got up and put the sheets over his head and held him under his atomic fart and told him "muahaha that, b**ch!". He begged for mercy but I had enough of his smelly a**!
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I was shopping at home depot and asked an employee where I could find a pair of ear protectors to reduce the noise level for days that I work at home. The guys asked me If I had a loud machine. I wanted to say... yeah my wife, but she was standing next to me.
Some big intimidating guy was about to fight me at a club. Now i'm a small Indian guy and I can't fight but I have this technique I use against guys I know I can't take. While the guy was mouthing off in my face I smacked his face really hard which makes him think wtf just happened. This gives me enough time to crouch down, upper cut his balls, and Jet the f*** out before he recovers.
I like to get my girl in the mood for some late night "coffee" by getting naked and only wearing a pair of plastic glasses with missing lenses. Once she sees my magnificent body I proceed with a luring mating dance which she can't resist. Eventually she gives in and calls me over to bed. Works every time.
My martial arts instructor wore these very small shorts. He was crouched in front of me talking to the guys next to me. I saw that there was some kind of tumor like skin sac coming out of the shorts. I stared at it wondering what it was. Then I realized I had been staring at one of his testicles the whole time!