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I was shopping at home depot and asked an employee where I could find a pair of ear protectors to reduce the noise level for days that I work at home. The guys asked me If I had a loud machine. I wanted to say... yeah my wife, but she was standing next to me.

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May 06, 2012
8

I remember when I was in first or second grade I was coloring with this girl I liked. I remember seeing in cartoons that when a guy liked a girl he would hold her hand and kiss it. Well I tried that and you know what happened? She yells out "TEACHER TEACHER HE KISSED ME!!" and the teacher (who was a female) pulled me aside and explained to what sexual harassment is and that I could go to jail! I never kissed another girl for a while after that. I was afraid and thought they were evil people.

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May 12, 2012
6

Sometimes when I'm in public (commuting, etc.), if someone ticks me off... I get my personal revenge by walking by them quickly, pointing my a** in their direction and sending a fart their way. I walk away right before they realize with a filthy reddit smile on my face.

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May 12, 2012
3

I like to get my girl in the mood for some late night "coffee" by getting naked and only wearing a pair of plastic glasses with missing lenses. Once she sees my magnificent body I proceed with a luring mating dance which she can't resist. Eventually she gives in and calls me over to bed. Works every time.

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May 17, 2012
9

My fat ex use to fart around me all the time. He would stand next to me while I watch tv or pass by me and let one rip and then smile as he walked away. One day during winter we were in bed under a bunch of sheets. I heard him fart one of those long and hot farts and he said "muahaha" so I quickly got up and put the sheets over his head and held him under his atomic fart and told him "muahaha that, b**ch!". He begged for mercy but I had enough of his smelly a**!

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May 20, 2012
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